Generations

When I got word that the very elderly mom of friends had slipped into eternity, I realized there was no way we could attend her funeral six hundred miles away. But, I thought, the Driver is close by and maybe she’d go for us. After all, this is a family that has intertwined with ours for decades and she’d see people she enjoys from around the globe.

A phone call later I encountered skepticism. “But, I never even met the woman. How can I go to her funeral?”

“I’ll email you the details,” I countered. “Just think about it.”

The next day an email came back. “Yes, I think I will go. There are so many people coming that I know and they want me to bring family pictures.” The number of friends had been mentioned on the initial call, but funeral attendance is not the habit of 20-somethings.

The phone rang again yesterday with the Driver in fine form. “Oh, it was great. There were so many multiple parts of the family there. I caught up with the kids who are now in college, and with the old grandmother on the other side, and with all the family in from far away. They all send their love.”

“Funerals are not about the dead,” I said, “But about the living.”

“I know that,” she said. “But it seemed odd to go to the funeral of someone I don’t even know.”

“You do know her,” I pursued. “You’ve known her daughter and son all your life, you took care of her grandchildren in Hong Kong, her extended family through marriage are some of your favorite people in the world. You’ve been in their homes, sat at their tables, listened to their stories. These people are part of your essential fiber.”

Part of becoming a genuine adult is learning how to add up the pieces of life into a whole. Learning when it is appropriate to show up and be counted. Learning that a small effort one day pays huge rewards in life friendship on later days. Learning that people remember that you remembered and that they appreciate your presence far more than you can imagine.

Our funerals of late have been highly peopled with young people and children. It’s all about living and building the future.